The animal Kingdom is a beautiful thing! It’s so vast and diverse. We’ve all had our share of encounters with animals; for example, If you were ever bitten by a dog, You probably learned not to piss off dogs. If you ever kicked a hornets nest or sprayed it with a water hose, you most likely learned that, although small, hornets pack a punch. (especially in greater numbers.) Lastly, If you ever wrestled a bear, You undoubtedly learned that you’ll never win. Not only are these things animal facts, they’re life lessons. The following animal facts are some of the unheard facts. These are just random facts I have read over the millions of years I’ve been alive. Join me in exploring the BLESSING of Unicorns! …Get it? C’mon  you get it, right? Because a group of unicorns is called a blessing… Forget it!

FACT #1  A dairy cow can produce more milk when listening to music.

Most people don’t know that cows are similar to humans. Both, humans and cows, like grass. Apparently Cows, like us, are more productive while listening to music. It has something to do with relieving stress.  Although at this moment it’s not know if cows have good taste in music. What I’m interested is in the effect of the genre of music being played. Maybe, if you play some Mozart, cows will produce some  brain stimulating milk, increasing your IQ by 100. On the other hand if you play some Justin Beiber, the cows might produce some sour milk with a huge amount of estrogen. I guess it just takes some experimenting.

FACT #2 Turtles can breath through their butts.

Turtles never cease to amaze me! First there was the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, then there was squirtle (from pokemon), an now I learn this! I know! It’s amazing! This is one of those abilities that would be useful in a life threatening situation. Imagine that you were captured by psychopath and he decides to kill you by placing a bag over your head, I don’t know why, it’s just his fetish. Anyway, instead of suffocating to death, wouldn’t it be gnarly if you could breath through your ass? Completely saving your life. It’s another reason why turtles rock!

  FACT #3 Hippo milk is pink.

Hippos are beast! Not only are they fierce, but their pink milk makes them fabulous! I wonder if it tastes like strawberries.

FACT #4 The animal responsible for the most human deaths worldwide is the mosquito.

Fear the Mosquito! We’ve all had our encounters with the dreaded mosquito. A lot of us experience mosquito bites while camping. At first, it doesn’t seem so bad. The area bitten starts to itch, but that’s usually as bad as it gets. Other people aren’t so lucky. In other countries, people aren’t vaccinated against the viruses that mosquitoes  carry. So a single bite carries more than a small itch. Don’t feel bad next time you exterminate an army of mosquitoes with some electrified lanterns. Also if you’re feeling a little more blood thirsty, get some mosquito repellent and a lighter, then just wreak havoc! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Avenge our fallen brothers!

FACT #5  World’s heaviest primates: morbidly obese humans. After that: gorillas.

Finally! We did it! We managed to beat Gorillas at another thing! Humans are smarter than gorillas, at least in this universe they are… I think. Maybe Gorillas are just playing dumb, observing, waiting for their chance to rise up! Anyway, not only are we smarter, we are also heavier! Humanity has achieved so much thanks to saturated fats. There is no limits for us humans.

Well, there you have it! 5 fun facts about animals that you might not have known. Now you can show off to all your friends and co-workers, that you are smarter than everybody. You know things people don’t that makes you special. Hooray! Animals sure are interesting, but it’s what we see in them that help us learn about ourselves.

Since it was Halloween weekend, I had to do something. It turned out that my brother was going to go to Knott’s Halloween Haunt. I immediately realized it was the perfect thing to do! I could experience it all in just one night! The scares, the people in the cheesy costumes, and the endless supply of sugar! I talked to my brother and he agreed to take K-otic and I with him. I was nervous at first, I didn’t know what to expect. I was imagining a live horror movie. Something from the darkest corners of the abyss. An ocean of fear where the only land visible was an island of nightmares. To some degree, I was right.

When we arrived It all sunk in. I was at the point of no return. I had just paid fifty dollars to be scared. I looked at K-otic and he was having a blast. He was completely excited we were there. I thought he was insane. I couldn’t figure out why anybody in their right mind would like this. The only reason I was there was to investigate the unknown, try something new. We moved forward headed to the first horror maze. I was extremely paranoid the whole night. I was looking around every corner trying to spot the hidden actors to make sure I wouldn’t get startled. This tactic of mine ultimately worked against me (I’ll explain further on.)  We walked through the whole maze and I was still ok. Luckily my brother and his girlfriend were leading the pack, setting off all the traps, just in time for me to spot them.

The gates to hell!

I slowly gained confidence. I was sure I could survive the whole night, nevertheless I was still paranoid. For the next couple of mazes I was doing fine. I was being a gentleman and using the “let other people go first” tactic. Eventually the others caught on to what I was doing and forced me to go first. I was horrified! I didn’t know how to weasel my way out of this one. I just tightened my belt and tried to man up. I was walking into the maze and I saw a couple in front of me, I decided to stay close behind them as if I was part of their group. I quickly left my group for the rocker couple. They were just in their own world, it looked like they were at a party, just breezing through the maze. I was struggling to keep up with the couple while still looking around corners and avoiding manikins. After a close call with a guy on wires jumping out of nowhere, I was finally out! I breathed in the fresh air and waited for k-otic, my brother and his girlfriend. I survived yet another maze while leading the group.

Close to the end of the night, we entered a maze that had a setting of an old Victorian London. we were progressing at a suitable pace. I was still paranoid and looking around corners. This is were my tactic had failed me. At one point in the maze, I entered a room with a bed in the middle, as I circled the bed I was looking around the bed posts. I looked around the third bed post and I heard a deep voice say “Don’t look down there!”

I responded “Don’t look where?”. I looked up and ZOINKS! I saw a MAN! I immediately realized how bad the situation looked. I had just looked down a guy’s skirt. I was ashamed of myself. As if it wasn’t bad already, K-otic decided to make a public address and inform everyone around us of what i had done.

That incident opened my eyes. I had nothing to be paranoid about. These people in costumes were just trying to do their jobs. They weren’t monsters, they were people! There was nothing that could startle me anymore! I had already experience the biggest shock of the night. We finished the last maze and I had understood Halloween by then. It wasn’t about the candy or the cross dressers. It was about facing our fears. My brother faced his fear of clowns, K-otic faced his fear of rides, and I faced my fear of pretty much everything. The night ended and I bought a funnel cake to reward myself for being brave. To be honest, Halloween Haunt wasn’t that scary. It was all in my mind. Actually the scariest part of the night was my brother’s girlfriend’s driving. In case she reads this “YES! WE ALL REMEMBER THE CAR  WE ALMOST HIT!” Now that that’s out of the way I thank my brother and his girlfriend for the invitation.

I’m not sure how I can describe what happened that night, but I’ll try. I was invited to a basketball session at the park near Condor’s house. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go since the Condor nearly broke by glasses by stomping on them. I thought about it briefly and decided that staying home eating some PB&J sandwiches while watching something on the National Geographic channel wasn’t what I was destined for.  I knew that under my geeky surface, I was a basketball prodigy.

I arrived at the Condor’s house early as usual. I stayed in the car waiting for everyone to show up. Slowly but surely the naive fools showed up. First the Condor, Then the Strong Dog with his brother, Thunder Duck. We inflated our balls and headed towards the basketball courts. On the way there, there was a man following us. It was the Condor’s dad! I simply laughed. I thought nothing of it at the time, for I had my sights on destroying everybody with my mad dunking skills.

We couldn’t decide how we would split up into teams so we decided to shoot for it. The Condor made it in first. After that it was just a disaster. Strong Dog, Thunder Duck, and Poppa Condor were all missing their shots. I was missing as well, but I was doing it on purpose. I had a tactical plan. I was observing my fellow players’ skills. I arrived to the conclusion that it was going to be a long game. After a while of warm up free-throws, Poppa Condor made it in! so it was settled, it would be the Condor and his father versus Strong Dog, Thunder Duck, and I. Strong Dog thought we should give them an extra player, since Poppa Condor hadn’t played in 3 years, or so he says. I call bullshit! We agreed that the teams were OK since they were going to loose anyway.

The game started and it was intense. We had a strong start. The Condor had the ball and tried to pass it to Poppa Condor. Suddenly Strong Dog intercepts it! Poppa Condor just gave the Condor a look and said “Pass the ball in the air.”The Condor realized his mistakes and replied “Yes Poppa.”

So the game continued. Strong Dog shot the ball and missed, but more on that later.  I believe that the Thunder Duck had a injury prior to the game and it was starting to set in. It was early in the game and we already had a handicap. There was no shame though, he was brave for just showing. He had more heart than anybody. A true champion, a fearless warrior, a man of honor. I admired his courage to continue, but it was going to be mostly the Strong Dog and I for the remainder of the game.

For the record, I just want to point out that the Condor and his father were never tested for performance enhancing drugs. Out of nowhere the team of Condors just level up! Somehow, the Condor and his dad grew double in size. Their shirts tear from all the muscles they gain. Biceps, triceps, quads, phalanges, gluteus maximus!. You name it, they had it! Gaining oblique muscles, six packs, back packs, and everything in between. It was terrifying! We were playing against a team of hulks! Despite all the obstacles we were facing we were going to pull through. The Condor’s team was leading 1-0. I managed to get a rebound and pass the ball, like a good team mate, to Strong dog. He shot it an made it in, evened the score. Unfortunately this would be the last I would see of “team player” Strong Dog.

Shortly after, team Condor made another one in. This time it was up to me. I had to show everyone my awesomeness. I made one in and celebrated the equalizer. It was a short victory because team Condor was too fast, their passes were almost perfect. Making three pointers like they were nothing. Soon the score was 10-2. We were getting annihilated. Every time I got the chance, I would pass the ball to Strong Dog only to be disappointed. Strong Dog was in his own world. Every time he went for a shot, he tried to acquire as many style points as he could. The game wasn’t the priority for him, it was his style. I remember at one point he had a decent chance to make a simple shot in, if he only stopped and aimed. That was not going to happen. Instead Strong Dog decided to get closer, jump high in the air, do a beautiful 360 spin, shoot and miss. This was how the game went for the whole night. Team Condor was playing smart, while Team Strong dog was playing with style. It was all about the glitz and glamor for Strong Dog. I guess he thought there were some scouts late at night, looking for amateur players.

We ended up making 2 more shots, but it was futile. Team Condor had a 15-4 lead. They were unstoppable! Mostly because Poppa Condor carried the team. He was making baskets like it was nobody’s business. Maybe if he was little younger, he would be dunking over everybody. Team Condor only needed one more point. We managed prolong our defeat, but we could not stop it. Poppa Condor got the ball and was outside the 3 point line close to the edge. Immediately Thunder Duck sacrificed himself and raced to stop Poppa Condor. It was to no avail. There was nothing that could stop him. He simply Jumped backwards, shot the ball, and made it in. The crowd went wild! Not for us though, for the players in the game next to us.

Defeat didn’t feel good. I should have done more, but I didn’t. Why? Because I like to let others win. I’m just very giving.

After that game Poppa Condor left. That meant we could have an even game. It was Strong Dog and Thunder Duck versus The Condor and I. For some reason team Strong Dog leveled up too! Thunder Duck’s injury miraculously healed and Strong Dog dropped all the glitz and glamor crap. They were playing smart! They also beat us. Somehow the Condor had leveled down. But then I wondered, the score was 8-5 (we were winning) and I figured out it wasn’t the Condor that leveled down, he made all 7 shots while I had only made 1 shot. Not to mention I did say that it was as if there were 2 players against 1. I remember the Condor telling me to put more effort into, but it just wasn’t worth it. I was beginning to sweat, so I decided to take it easy for the rest of the night. It ended up costing us the game, all we needed was 2 shots left for victory. I guess Strong Dog and Thunder Duck both wanted it more. In my team only Condor wanted it. In the end, Condor played his heart out, we had fun, I came out sweaty (but happy my glasses were OK) and ended up being one interesting night!

There’s a lesson to be learned here. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE CONDOR’S DAD!